and another

After finally settling on a treatment and beginning to look for long-term housing for me, we have met yet another obstacle.

It turns out that the hospital will not accept Tad's secondary insurance which covers 20% of his care.

Til now they've been treating because he came in through Emergency. Starting next week he will begin getting curative treatment and thus will shift to another funding - one they don't like.

Once again I've been crying - a lot.

The up side is that because the treatment they are proposing is not strictly a protocol treatment he can actually get it anywhere in the US.

I personally feel like this is the best place for us. I've finally met caregivers who both know leukemia deeply AND are not stressed to the max. I feel completely comfortable leaving him in their care.

Tad on the other hand feels like he'd rather be closer to home, closer to his extended family if possible. After he received the news he was amazingly calm - whereas I walked across campus in a fog -- yet again -- of tears, overwhelm, a determination to raise hell, a rage at our healthcare system and a deep fatigue, a sense that I don't have the energy to fight another huge battle.

Once I got here Tad told me serenly, "It's highly possible this treatment doesn't work. If I'm going to die I want to be close to my home and my friends."

He assures me he's not ready for hospice, he's actually quite eager to see if this new combination works. At the same time he feels trapped in this hospital.

We're waiting for the doctor to recommend a local oncologist in the Bay Area who would be willing to work collaboratively with the Seattle folks.

We're also waiting for the antibiotics to cut through an infection that was caused by Tad's new Hickman line - a tube that sticks out of his chest allowing easy access to his circulatory system.

We may be Californian again some time next week.