phase one: nearly over

While I was sitting at the airport waiting to embark on a flight to see family in Michigan Tad called me from the hospital.
"Are you sitting down?"
I could tell from the lilt in his voice that it was good news though one part of my brain did think "oh shit! what now?"

It's the same part of my brain that has a little mini-panic every time I call and can't get through by phone.

I know the signal isn't great in that room, I know he doesn't always hear his cellphone ring, I know he can't rush and grab it if he's in the bathroom. Still my first thought is: "There's something wrong."
So I was delighted when he told me he was going home on Monday.

This threw a little bit of a wobbly into our plans since I was hoping to drive him down to Santa Cruz myself AFTER my extended weekend visiting family and attending a wedding. A Monday discharge would make that impossible.

The star of this whole show is without a doubt Tad's immune system. It has surprised even the most seasoned doctors by its resilience. It has made liars out of a couple more who promised us hair falling out, possible opportunistic infections and a slow rebuilding of his immunity - at least three weeks. But the actual healthy results would be very disappointing to any decent disaster lover.

He will be back at the hospital in a month for a second round of chemo but in the meantime he gets to go back to Santa Cruz and relax, get back to living life.

We seem to have won the first battle even if we have by no means won the war.

I can still remember only a few weeks ago discovering my favorite moment of the day. Very early in the morning, just as I was waking up, in that 10 or so seconds that it takes me to step out of my dreams and into my real life I was able to both be awake AND not be aware that my beloved may be dying.

Then after this very brief hiatus reality struck. I reminded myself: Oh yes Tad has leukemia. And the pit of sorrow started up yet again.

How much our worlds can change in just a few weeks (and sometimes even in the blink of an eye).